Peanuts and Purebloods
by Alan's Only
Summary: Hermione is lookin for some fun...but she can only find peanuts...is it ture? Mudbloods are bigger? Or is there no on in the school right for her? Will she have to turn to Ginny? Read and find out!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the charters in this story but the plot line is mine and the snake is going to keep the plot bunnies down this time.

**And now for... Purebloods and peanuts**

Part   
  
"Hermione work with me!" said Potter agitated.

"Harry I'm tryin but... you didn't even break my hymen...Your just too small" whined Hermione. She pushed him off of her, his lil' bitty manhood slipping out easily.

"See Harry I didn't even feel that!" said Hermione loudly as she stood and walked to her clothes.

"But...But. I've been able to satisfy many other girls..." said Harry as he to stood and looked for his clothes.

"Harry main word there, girls! I'm a woman who needs a big man. The only time I felt you, was when you entered me! Even then I thought about what ingredients go in to a...sleeping draft!" said Hermione having found her bra and panties.

"What do you mean?" yelled Harry.

"Well what I've been saying is you can't please me with your peanut sized penis!" yelled Hermione back. She zipped the zipper on her pants then proceeds to pull on her robe.

"Now if you grow a real sized penis and if I'm still interested. Then well talk!" said Hermione in a serious tone meaning every word.

Then she turned on her heel and left a half-dressed Potter in the Prefects Bathroom at eleven o'clock at night.

'Hopefully he'll get caught.' she said in her mind.

"God it's so hot!" said Hermione as she walked back up the marble staircase. But she turned on her heel and walked back down them heading to the dungeon to some, hopefully, cooler air.

She was still horny so when she fond Draco she pulled him in to the nearest closet.

"Draco I don't care if you don't like me. But will you please rid my mind of Potter's Peanut?" Hermione asked. Then she started to kiss his neck.

"I never said I hated you." Said Draco in a smooth silky voice that he clearly got from his father...

"DAMN IT!" Hermione yelled. She had unzipped the front of his pants.

Draco looked down and a blush came to his face.

"God Do all of the sexy men in this bloody school has to have a small fucking penis?" She yelled.

Suddenly the closet door opened: exposing Hermione and Draco to a rather furious looking Potions Master.

"What in the bloody Hell do you to think you are doing!" he said in a dangerous voice.

"What's it fucking look like I'm trying to get fucked and every fucking hot guy has a fucking small ass DICK." yelled Hermione.

"Maybe you're looking for the wrong type of man," said Snape in a whisper.

"WRONG! I've found out that EVERY man in Gryffindor has at lest the size of my pinky. And NOW it's starting to look like Slytherin is TOO" said Hermione she stamped her foot on 'too'

Draco takes his chance to flee and did so.

Snape's mouth turned up in to a sneer.

"Are you sure about that information?" asked Snape's silky voice, a challenge evident. As he toke a step in to the closet and shutting the door. It wasn't dark only the shadows seemed to elongate.

"Actually. I am and I'm thinking that Ginny looks pretty good." Said Hermione the challenge coming back in full force.

"I am a teacher. And one of the teachers jobs are to help a student in their time of need." Said Snape taking a step closer and pulling Hermione closer.

A smile came to her face. Snape toke her lips in to a kiss. While her hands undid the bottoms to his pants.

A...pasted her lips...

AN/ Now there are two different endings. The first one is for SSHG lovers and the one after that is SLASH lovers' story...HGGW.

Read both or skip to your own fancy.


	2. peanuts and purebloods ending1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Snape or any one else in this story... the snake in my head owns every dirty though I have...WHAT do I own?**

Part 

First ending...this is the SSHG lovers fanfic...

An excited gasp filled the closet as she pulled Snape out of his pants.

"You just have to look for the mudbloods." Snape said in a whisper in her ear.

Hermione's face looked up at him sharply.

"My Great to the 10th power grand father was 75 wizard. And it only takes that much to become a mudblood." he said.

Hermione smiled as his hands traveled down to the hem of her skirt.

20 mins later

Hermione staggered out of the closet with a look a delight on her face. She fixed her school robes and waited for Snape to join her in the halls.

"Thank you Severus." said a voice from Hermione's mouth that she did not notice; it was hoarse from the near screams that came from her lips. When Snape come out of the closet.

His face had a red hue to it and his robes were a little wet.

"As I said I am supposed to help a student in need." Said Snape he leaned up against the wall.

"And you did," she said then she toke a step closer, "and I will be needing help soon enough."

"You know how to find me," he said.

Hermione gave him a chaste kiss; then strode away.

**THE END!**

An/ I know no lemon like it lead to but I've gotten enough bullshit from other reviewers on my other stories. So please if you are going to flame me please keep it to constructive criticism.


	3. peanuts and purebloods ending2

The disclaimer is on the other chap.

Well I thought I would change Snape's past so if you read the first ending forget what I said about Snape's great great great great great great great great great great grandpa. To all who hate SSHG fics or just Snape in general!

Part

The second ending...

An irritated gasp came from Hermione's lips.

"You really think that that fucking thumb well pleasure me?" she said. But before he could say any thing she thrust the door open and ran to her dorm. Leaving a very confused looking Snape.

He looks down at his member and said, "It's bigger than a thumb."

Hermione ran in to the common room and found Ginny she was talking to Dean.

After she found out that Harry cheated on her, in her fourth year; she lost all of her self-respect and became a slut. But only servicing females.

Hermione pulled Ginny away from a deal (she was about to BJ) and dragged her in to the head girls room.

"Ever pure blood in this school has small dicks and so do some of the hotter guys. So I've decided to be your girl friend." Said Hermione. Ginny had left that occupation open for her to think about.

Ginny smiled and pushed Hermione on to the bed behind her and before Hermione could say any more Ginny silenced her with a kiss.

THE END

To all Snape haters: you are an abomination to all hp lovers! But if you like Snape just a teensy bit your not!

Me on the other hand dose not think that Snape would have a small member...drool

Snake in head says: nether would Alan Riccckman.

See I told you that thing is responsible for my dirty thoughts!

Pleasssse review! But asss I sssaid only CC if don't like what you read


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